7 Survival Tips When Your Human Is Cookoo

7 Survival Tips When Your Human Is Cookoo

Woof! Hello guys! So mommy Renza finally caved thanks to all the humans that liked my last post (Writers block) about the topics I wanted to write about. Thank you guys for convincing her. Woof!

It’s hard being a dog or a cat in today’s world. Mostly because it's run by humans or at least they think they run the world hmm…To survive you need some special skills, especially those pets that have a crazy human.

I’m so sorry you guys, I feel your annoyance for them. I love my Renza, but sometimes...Grrr!! No!! We need to stay strong. Here are some tips to survive when your human is cookoo.
1. Ignore - When they start with the crazy talk, just look in another direction. Don’t make eye contact! Their feelings will be hurt, but they need to learn you are not a baby. 

Buffy pretending to sleep
Me pretending to sleep

2. Garbage bin raid - This is when they throw away those delicious scraps like yummy bones that we’re not suppose to eat, because apparently a dog with a bone saying is total nonsense.

You either need to wait until they're distracted or pretend that you’re sleeping so that they don’t pay much attention to you, then go on a garbage bin raid. The garbage will be in the kitchen until the end of the day.

Once they take the garbage out to the big bin outside, then you will have to wait until the next day. So make it count! Be very quiet. It’s all about stealth here. Get the bone or whatever scraps you find in the bin and get out!

3. Hiding -  Be good at hiding. Go under the human’s car or bed. It will be hard for them to get you out of there. One more thing you guys, please don’t fall for the food trick. That's when they bribe you with food so that you can come out of your hiding spot. I fell for that one in the beginning. Never again! Grrr!

4. Toy hostage exchange - If your human hides your toys, then as soon as they take the toys out again, go and hide them in a safe place. It’s yours, not theirs. Treat it like a hostage exchange. You do something for them, if they do something for you.

First make sure they take the toy out of its hiding spot. A good way to get them to take the toys out, is for you to start chewing on random things around the house. That way they’ll give you your toys back and in return you don’t destroy their stuff.
5. Staring at the human and being cute - If you want to get away with what they call 'bad behaviour', you need to be super cute. Go rub against them and lick them. Stare into their eyes if you must. I find staring into Renza’s eyes super effective. Apparently these humans become suckers when we stare at them.
6. Speed - You need to be very fast. Make sure you practice everyday to improve your agility. Chase birds or whatever is smaller than you. It will keep you fit and you’ll be fast enough to escape if the human wants to wash or groom you.  Speed is also important when you raid the bins and when you need to keep them from taking your stuff. I’m faster then mommy. It's really funny how she can’t catch me.
7. Learn their language - It's important to understand what your human is saying. When I hear the words water, leash, shampoo, wash and brush then I go hide. Renza whispers, but I have superior hearing. So keep your ears open!
So I hope these survival tips are helpful. All pets need to stick together. These humans are easy to control, so don't forget how powerful you are. 

They call this pet thing domestication. They have no idea we brain-washed them into giving us free food and shelter.  Mommy Renza is on to me you guys. She says I’m a mind reader and I make her act crazy. I just stare into her eyes, and then she forgets.

Woof!! Woof!!

Author: Buffy
Job: Guard dog, part-time blogger
Likes: Playing and hanging out with Renza, eating and sleeping
Dislikes: Grooming and visitors with long coats

Other Buffy Posts
Writers block 
Playtime with dogs 
Should you shave your dogs hair or not 

Pic credit: Renza's pics she edited.

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9 comments:

  1. I literally laughed out loud at the hostage exchange! So funny Lorenza. Thank you for cheering up my afternoon.

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    1. Thanks Diane.:-) Buffy thinks you have dealt with a few toy hostage exchanges hmmm...

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  2. Awesome and hey Buffy you are getting naughty day by day! I am wondering if I should share this post with Bruno or not ;-)

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    1. Thanks Saroja! That's exactly what Buffy wants, for you to share his tips with Bruno. He wants all the pets to unite. If he's the leader we're all doomed!

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  3. I like it! I have cats but it is very similar.I like the garbage bin raid.

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    1. Thanks Paul. It applies to cats as well yes. Lol. Thanks for visiting my blog :-)

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  4. So funny! Loved the "hostage exchange" bit.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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