Our words are more powerful than we can imagine. A compliment can make someone's day and a rude insult can make someone feel alot of pain. Yes, our words are extremely powerful.
Growing up, I did not have the perfect childhood. I looked different and acted different. That left me open to a lot of teasing. I was an easy target.
As I got older I wanted people to like me, so I was super nice to everyone and agreed with whatever they said and wanted. That meant I had no voice of my own and people could just walk all over me. They could say whatever they wanted to me, because they thought it was okay. Why wouldn't they right? I never corrected them and said "No, that hurts me" or "No you are wrong".
One day I heard a phrase on TV; Teach people how to treat you. That simple phrase made a huge difference in my life. In its simplicity it made so much sense. From that moment on I decided to teach people how to treat me.
Whenever somebody said or did something hurtful, I told them how it made me feel. I no longer agreed with things just because I was afraid of that person not liking me any more. I finally found my voice.
Yes, I became more assertive. Some people unfortunately don't like when you challenge them. They are hard set in their ways. Others are more open to change. I learned that you can't really change people. Don't even try. That's an uphill battle you're never going to win.
If someone is not treating you the way you are meant to be treated, then you need to tell them. Speak up! They either need to adjust and realise they are treating you badly or you need to distance yourself from them and surround yourself with people that respects you.
The funny thing is some people don't even know they are hurting you. They think their words and actions are normal. I'll admit I'm guilty of that sometimes. I would say something and not even realise that I'm hurting that person.
People aren't mind readers. You need to tell them what you don't like. We all have boundaries. Limitations or a line we expect people not to cross. Let people know when they have gone too far.
Take me for example. I'm short, but I don't have a problem with my height. So if someone teases me about my height, it does not hurt. I'll laugh with. That's why high heels were invented, right. On the other hand if someone made fun of my introverted nature, then it’s upsetting. It tells me that they have no respect for me as a person. So they need to know that I'm not okay with it and they should not cross that line in the future.
Yes, sometimes it can be good to hear something that you can work on to improve yourself, but if it's turned into a shame game then its wrong. We all move at our own pace through this life. People need positive reinforcement, not negative.
This is also how most relationships are damaged. People don't know how to communicate with each other. They are scared of loosing the other person, so they don't tell them when they have crossed a line. They just quietly resent that person and all along the other person is clueless about what's going on. Remember people have an enormous capacity for empathy. They may surprise you and your relationship with that person might change for the better.
We need to stop and think before we comment on someone’s appearance or anything that might seem personal. One person might be okay with it, another not. People want to be complimented and feel like they belong. They want to be heard and understood. Go and give someone a compliment today. Tell someone they look nice or that they have done a great job. Focus on their good qualities and let them know how awesome you think they are. Remember your words are powerful so use them wisely. Until next time, Goodbye.
Want to read more Renza posts? Here's some links!
Healing your inner child
10 reasons why getting older is not so bad
Pic credit: Pixabay pics Renza edited.
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