How to Change a Negative Belief

How to change a negative belief

"I'm a failure", "I'm not good enough", "I'm all alone" and "No one will ever love me". Sounds familiar? I bet we all believed at least one of those things about ourselves at some point in our lives. Some still do after years of growing and changing.

I believed all of those things about myself. Some beliefs I was unaware of. Some were in my face reminding me every single day. Looping in my head like a stuck tape recorder. Frustrating!

On my self-discovery journey, I researched solutions or ways to get rid of these negative thoughts or beliefs. I came across Byron Katie's The Work. This is such a sweet dear lady and just listening to her talk, makes me feel that I'm in the presence of someone that has done a lot of healing and good in this world. I admire her so much.

Basically she created a worksheet called the judge-your-neighbour worksheet. You fill it out and it forces you to question your thoughts and see how your mind is lying to you. Awesome yes!

My readers should all know my writing style by now. I write about personal experiences. That's why I'll share how The Work helped me. A fellow blogger called me transparent once. I feel I need to be so that others can relate. How else am I going to inspire change in others? Can't force someone to change, right? People change by seeing how others changed.

When I was at varsity, I met this guy. He really annoyed me and I had no idea why. We became friends for some reason and then a few years later, he became my very first boyfriend. Oh wow! Yes I was a late bloomer.

I fell hard and was so happy that I've finally found someone that wanted to be with me (red flag). Unfortunately, he ended it soon afterwards. His exact words "You're too closed up". I had no idea what that meant and didn't bother to ask (mistake). A year went by and I met someone else and my ex became a very close friend for some reason. Yep! I kept him around (whyyyyyy?).

Another year went by and guess what I did? My ex wanted me back and I said goodbye to a really nice guy that actually made time for me to go back to someone that called me 'closed up'. Three months later, it happened again. This time he said, "It's not working out". Geez!

So he broke my heart not once, but twice. I was plagued by uncertainty. Why didn't he love me? What's wrong with me? Worst of all I believed that no one will ever love me, because I will never be good enough. This one guy made me think that about myself. I believed that for years. Time wasted.


That experience caused a lot of pain and self-doubt in my life. I thought maybe I should try Byron's way to resolve it. I then filled out a worksheet and questioned the thought, "He doesn't love me, because I'm not good enough".

What the worksheet requires is for you to ask if it's true and then turn the question around on yourself. I filled out the worksheet and wrote, "I will never love me, because I'm not good enough". I didn't love myself that's why I believed that.

While continuing to answer the questions I made another discovery.  I thought that being with my ex made me happy. The questions made me see that I was actually miserable the entire time. He was not really the type of guy I wanted to be with.

He was always unavailable and never made time for me. Our interactions were awkward and uncomfortable. I resented him for not being there for me, became insanely jealous and started to hate his friends for always being there. Crazy times!

I never gave him me. That part of yourself where you share your hopes and dreams. Your fears and everything that makes you, you. He never saw me. It finally made sense what he said the two times he broke up with me. I was shocked how I couldn't see it for years.

He truly is an amazing decent guy, but he wasn't the one I wanted to share everything with. Last year I ran into him. Guess the universe was testing me. Glad to report that I felt nothing for him. I was so happy that I was finally free of that pain.

He taught me a valuable lesson - That I have to love myself first, before others can learn to love me. He was not responsible for the pain I felt all those years. He was just a guy that made me see the wounds I was carrying around. Of course that time I couldn't see what his presence in my life was trying to teach me. Plus the other guys that came after him were all reflecting the fact that I didn't love myself. Glad I woke up.

So I got that all cleared up and it prompted me to work on my other self-love issues. I had to do a few of these worksheets to work through my stuff. When I came to a block, I tried other tools and methods to clear whatever was left.

Byron Katie always says that our problems are universal. Things like heartbreak, loss, feelings of loneliness etc. It's true. If you follow her Youtube channel where she helps people work through their worksheets, there's a lot of moments where you can relate to a similar situation in your own life.

A negative belief can be compared to a table and the table's legs is everything in your life that contributed to that belief still standing firmly. Your job is to break the legs of the table. Make it invalid.

There's another approach to finding out what negative beliefs or core beliefs you have. Teal Swan, a spiritual teacher says you can ask yourself two questions whenever you get upset in your daily life.

Say for example you get upset because other people in your house don't clean up after themselves. You say, "This house is a mess!!" (That's happens to me a lot). Ask yourself...
  1. If that is true, why is that so bad?
  2. What does that mean to me or mean about me?
You alternate between these two questions depending on what your answer is, until you get to the core belief. My core belief was "I'm all alone". I knew I was feeling lonely, but it was odd to find out that the feeling surfaced in other ways like getting upset over a messy house.

When I worked on the I'm alone belief, it changed to "I'm not good enough". Then to "They are all going to leave me some day". Now it has changed to "I want to feel appreciated". I need to work on that one now. I have to see or gather proof that I'm appreciated.

Especially at home my opinion counts very little sometimes and if I do something a different way, it's seen as wrong even though it makes more sense to me. I guess because they see me as young and inexperienced.

All of this is like an onion. Layers! I peel away one and another one surfaces. Hey, at least I managed to work through the other ones. The loneliness one was the worst feeling ever. 

Next you list reasons to support or debunk your core belief. Write these down. If you have to put sticky notes everywhere to remind yourself of this, do it. Teach your mind to believe something different.

Example: Core Belief  -  I'm not good enough
Is it true? List reasons to make it invalid.
  •  I'm needed by others
  •  I achieved...(List achievements big or small)
  •  I try my best to be a better person.
  •  I'm smart, creative, resourceful etc
  •  So and so thinks I'm special so why argue with that. Etc...
Next, make a list of reasons why you think you're not good enough. Just for fun!
  •  That one idiot told me that one time I sucked (just example).
  •  My family was never happy with my grades even though I tried my best.
  •  That stupid boy left me because he thought I was not good enough for him. 
When you're done with your list of reasons why you think you're not good enough, fill out one of Byron Katie's worksheets for each and see the truth. This is obviously just one example of a core belief and you will have your own that you need to break down and work through.

So if you ever find yourself upset about something, then that's the perfect opportunity to do some self reflection. You can distract yourself like you always do or scream at the top of your lungs, but then you'll miss out on a chance to see why something is really bothering you and you can start to patch up a wound.

Remember these things will bother you until you deal with them. The people in your life will be the best reflection of your internal issues. They are good at pressing our buttons. Especially the ones closest to us.

There you go! Hope this helps. I'll leave some links to Teal Swan and Byron Katie sites below. I'm open to Teal's ideas. Anything that will help me make more sense of this life. I'm someone that test things and if they work, I apply them to my life.

My spiritual journey is all about searching for answers. That means I'm not limited by my religion. I was never made to fit in a box. My whole life is proof of that. I'm all about practical solutions to problems. If it does not work, I'll move on to test some other theory.

Time to peel the onions. Yes onions are the worst and make you cry, but they are necessary for adding flavour to dishes. Same thing applies to your life. You have to face your demons in order to overcome them.

No more ignoring or avoiding them. I accumulated a lot of demons and the more I deal with them, the easier it gets. I have a few still hiding. I'll get to them sooner or later. No one is coming to save you. Be your own hero. Slay those demons. I believe you can.

Link for Byron KatieThe Work by Byron Katie
- Check out Byron's resources page and get your free judge-your-neighbour worksheet. Guide videos are free to watch too. She has a YouTube channel with hundreds of videos helping people to see the lies they tell themselves. Very interesting. No excuses.

Link for Teal SwanTeal Swan's website
- This is a link to an article she wrote on how to identify a core belief. She explains it better than me. Her YouTube channel links are on her website too. Check it out!

Until next time
Goodbye

Want to read more Renza posts? Here's some links!
Choosing happiness
Healing your inner child
We are different and we are same

Pic credit: Pixabay pics Lorenza edited.

Don't forget to follow our blog for updates. Please share and plus one if you think your friends will enjoy reading my post. :-)

Fluffy the Puppy Growing Up


Ruff-ruff!! Hello humans! So I've been part of this world for about 4 months now. It's not too bad. I get to play with my bestie Buffy every day and I have Renza mommy that takes care of me. She calls me Fluffy long legs because I'm growing up fast. She thinks she's funny! Grrr!

Soon I'll be able to jump on the chairs just like Buffy. I can already do it, but not as good as Buff yet. He runs in a speed, then jumps. I've watched him do it, so soon I'll be joining him on the couch.

My teeth are all chipped away from all the chewing. I'm told soon I'll be getting some new teeth. Bigger! Sharper! I can't wait! Then I can do some real damage.

These humans keep leaving their things everywhere. I guess they want me to chew on it. Only mommy keeps her stuff out of reach though. Otherwise everyone else's shoes and clothing are given freely to me to chew on. I know right? They're soooo nice.

I'm just as tall as Buffy now. Mommy says it looks like I might get taller and it seems like I'm mixed with a bigger dog with straight hair. That means Buffy and I might look a little different, but not by much.

Mommy calls me small Buffy. Dur! I'm just as big as him. He just has a lot of hair and more weight. He's very heavy! When we play he sits on me. He thinks he's funny! I climb on his back and just stick there like glue to annoy him. Then he tries to shake me off. Guess he has no idea how glue works.

We have fun playing and chasing each other around in the yard and through the house sometimes. We almost ran mommy over that one time. Well who told her to stand in our way! Just imagine how she would fly through the air...We are super fast and can do serious damage to a in the way person. Out of our way human!


I think I'm getting too big for my bed. Renza human should get me a new one asap. I've already started chewing and tearing it up. I've taken out the insides too, just like we did with Buffy's bed. I had to fight with the human because she refused to let me eat it.

 A puppy can't even taste things around here without being chased around. But luckily I'm hard to catch and just run in circles around the human. She moves at a snail's pace. Are all humans this slow or is it just this one?

Everyone that comes here keeps saying I'm soooo big now. I dance for them and lick them to make sure they feel welcome. Buffy does not like greeting people. He just warns everyone there's visitors and barks at them. He's an introvert like Renza mommy. They don't like to have people around them. Luckily I'm there to balance out their weirdness.

Time to go now humans. I see someone left me a shoe to chew on. Why can't mommy do nice things like that? I had to fight her for just one slipper. Well she did leave me a toilet roll this morning to make pretty snow with. Guess that counts!

Ruff!! Ruff!!

Author: Fluffy
Job: Doing puppy stuff, part-time blogger
Future plans: World domination
Likes: Biting feet, hands and destroying everything in sight
Dislikes: Baths, being picked up and self-cloning Needleman

Pic credit: Renza human took pics of me.

Other Fluffy related posts:
Puppy biting and destroying things
Guest post from Fluffy

Don't forget to follow our blog for updates humans. Please share and plus one if you think your friends will like reading my post.

We have a Life and Dog stuff Facebook fan page now. 
Go over there and Like it! http://www.facebook.com/LifeandDogstuff

If you don't I will find you and give you cuddles before I destroy everything you own. Ruff-rrruuff!!!


Mind Control - A Skill All Dogs Should Know

Mind control - A skill all dogs should know

Woof! Hello humans! As you all may know by now, doggies have multiple skills. From being natural guard dogs, to making their humans have one-sided conversations with them. Or are they really one-sided?

Have you ever wondered why humans talk to their dogs? Mommy Renza knows exactly what Fluffy and I are saying and we don't even talk. Well not in human language. Weird right?

Besides her being good at reading our body language, she says and does things that might seem weird to an onlooker. Pet owners will get it. People that don't have pets just look at pet owners like they need to be locked up in straitjackets and padded walls.

Pet owners aren't crazy you guys. Dogs are just good at mind control. We've been controlling the human since forever. Why do you think they domesticated us? Long ago, food was scarce. Doggies and our cousins the wolves hunted together, but the doggies were really bad at it. We preferred playing with our food. One day, we came across our very first victim. Uhmm...I mean human.

mind control dogs

We stared deep into their eyes and made them love us. They took us into their living space and we've been controlling them ever since. Don't worry! It's a mutually beneficial arrangement. They get unconditional love and are pumped full of happy hormones. We get to eat for free, have a nice place to sleep and play as much as we want. Win win!

Some humans aren't open to the mind control though. We call them people that don't have pets. Petless for short. We aren't sure why, but they seem to have a mental block that we can't get through. Mommy Renza had a block like that and after years of trying,  I finally got through.

She's under my control now. Not sure what happened though. Oh yes! She made the mistake of staring deep into my eyes that one day when I was bitten. She told me everything was going to be ok. She was a goner then. I'll admit, me too. See! Mutually beneficial.


Problem is once we take control of the human, we take on their personality too. We also feel for them what they feel for us. It's a glitch in our mind control ability and we have not figured out a way around it yet.

Our plan is to control every human on the planet. I did it with mommy, so other dogs can do it too. The cats are also helping, but they have their own way of doing things. We've already taken over the Internet and social media. Pets all over are working hard to reach our collective goal of complete human mind control domination.

Petless humans, please don't be scared. We just want everyone to be happy. Soon we will find a way to get through your mental block and you won't be able to resist us. Might as well give in now. Your fate is sealed. There's a furry friend around every corner watching and waiting until your defences are down.

See you soon humans
Woof!! Wooooooff!!

Author: Buffy
Job: Guard dog, part-time blogger
Likes: Playing and hanging out with Renza and Fluffy, eating and sleeping
Dislikes: Grooming and food thieves

Pic credit: Me (Buffy) posing in pics. Plus Pixabay free stock images that mommy edited.

Want to read more Buffy post? Links below:
7 ways to help your stressed out human
How to protect your human

Don't forget to follow our blog for updates you guys. Please share and plus one if you think your friends will like reading my post. Woooof!!!


Choosing happiness

Choosing happiness

The day I decided I wanted to be happy was the beginning of endless possibilities. Yes I made a choice! I chose happiness even though I had no idea how to be happy. Looking back at my life, it was not all bad. I remember my last years of high school and when I went to varsity were some of the best years of my life. But when I started my first real job, I fell ill.

I had a growth on my thyroid and they had to remove half of it. There was no need for thyroid meds. So they say. But it felt like someone switched off my lights. I forgot how to live and everyday was a struggle to get through. The doctors said there was nothing physically wrong with me. Typical doctors. Don't treat the symptoms.  Anyway, I was tired of fighting with them...

Years went by and my life stood still. Writing these words are making me emotional, but I have a need to write my story. Those years of my life I can never get back. Those were the years I was supposed to fall in love, get married, have children. Do the things people my age were doing.

I started a promising career that never went anywhere because I could not function properly. Today I'm still bombarded by questions about why I don't have all those things. Those people have no idea how hard it was for me and what I went through.

Unfortunately choosing happiness does not instantly make you happy. But choosing it opens up your eyes and you start to see things that can help you on your path. It took alot of research and experimenting. I tried everything self-help had to offer. If my issue was all in my head, then I owed it to myself to fix it.

Some people go to therapy, but I had a big wall surrounding me. Not even my own family knew how much pain I was really in. They loved me the best way they could. It's hard to love someone with a wall around them. It felt safe inside my walls, but extremely lonely.

My thinking at that time was nothing could be worse than how I feel right now. I dived in and didn't care if I was going to drown. That's when I started learning how to meditate, because I needed to switch off my negative thoughts that was consuming me. I did NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and tapping methodologies like EFT(Emotional freedom technique) and Faster EFT. I also do Metaphysical anatomy exercises. Plus a bunch of other stuff. Luckily I didn't drown. You can look up all these things if you want. I won't go into detail right now. I'll write about them in future posts.

These tools are all super effective. They tap into the subconscious. I use them for my anxiety issues and to release negative emotions and thoughts. You'll need to be open to change if you want to use these tools. Otherwise nothing will shift. You have to be willing to let go of your identity that you've clinged too for so long.

You know the story that drives you. I was the scared little weird ugly girl that no one will ever love. For some reason it was comforting being that person. I guess it gave me an excuse not to live my life. My story changed. That girl is dead. I buried her. When I was done using these tools,  I felt numb. I was not sad anymore, but I was not happy either. I was still me, but different. I didn't carry my baggage anymore. I felt light as a feather.

Who was I without my story? The story that played over and over in my head. The story that made me sad. I still remember the story, but it does not rule my life like before. Know that I'm not telling you my story to make you feel sorry for me or sad. I came through all of this. I need to make people aware that change is possible, you just have to be willing to change. Yes some things we can't change, but we can change our attitude towards something. I found out a few months ago that the numbness was just a clean slate and I had to fill the space. So I did.

Choosing happiness quote

I then started my blog and realised how much I really changed through my words. My head is open and filled with ideas where before there was just a fog. My mind is clear of negative thoughts and if any pop in I know how to get rid of them.

I started a self-discovery journey because I had no idea who I was. Not a clue. The more I got to know myself, the more I had to find ways to accept the things about me that I can't change and I'm working on the things that I can. I'm flawed. But that's ok now.

On my way, I wanted to find my purpose. Why do I exist? Why are we all here? A spiritual journey began. Something unexpected happened. I found God. Believing in a higher power is important. It's an anchor in this life so that you don't just float around. I'm a Christian, but because life was hard I stopped believing. Like most people that live a life filled with sadness.

I refused to accept that I was meant to live a miserable life. God was not responsible for my life. I was. For a long time I was a spectator in my life. Watching and waiting for things to miraculously change by themselves. I was responsible for making the changes. I had to dig myself out of my hole. God helped me by showing me signs.

I remember praying one night and asking God to help me find peace. I was tired of being tired and sad all the time. Then I woke up. Not from a dream but from the reality I was in. I sad miserable place that I never want to see again. He showed me my path.

I could only see that He was helping me then, when I started my spiritual journey. Before that,  I did not give it a second thought. That prayer came from a place of hopelessness. He answered and I couldn't even see. I had to meet Him halfway. I had to be open to accept His help. That prayer, that night was when I decided to turn my life around. He gave me the strength to do it.

I thought happiness was a family of my own, a job I loved, a beautiful house and car. I only got the beautiful car out of all those things lol. I might get the other things one day, but I was not going to let not having them make me unhappy anymore. It did for a very long time and I was done. I always hear people say if only I have this or that then I'll be happy. No! That's like chasing the end of a rainbow.

I know now my happiness was not that. It was accepting myself. I just had to love me. I armed myself with tools to help with the process, because it was difficult. My outside reality changed after that and everything else just fell into place. Now I have my two beautiful furbabies that fills my days with love and joy. I have my family's love and support. I can actually talk to them now. I have my best friend who is my rock and helps me grow everyday.

I have these words that I hope will touch people's lives and be here long after I'm gone. I have my mind that's curious and always looking for solutions. I have my health back. I have hope. Something that I didn't know I could have.

I now refuse to let anything bad into my life. People from my past came knocking and I send them on their way. My life consists of only the things I love. If I feel the need to add, then I do it slowly. It might seem like a dull boring life but it's mine and I'm happy with it. Everyone has their own idea of happiness. Mine is a quiet peaceful life.

We should not just accept life as is. We all have choices. Choose to be happy if you're miserable and don't worry if you don't know how to be happy yet. Just choosing it will change your path. Fill your life with happy things and get rid of the bad things. Especially the bad people.

Someone will show you over and over who they really are. Sure they might have their moments, but if they don't inspire you to change, hurt you and only bring you down, then its time to move on. It's up to you to decide if you want to sink with the ship or swim to the shore. They can rejoin your life once they showed you they've changed. Not before then. Don't wait around for them to change.


Yes I have down days. But now I know they are temporary. Not like before, when they were neverending. I have hormones, so it's not possible to be happy all the time. "This too shall pass" is one of my favourite sayings. I say it often. It reminds me that nothing is static. Things pass. Today I might feel blue, tomorrow I will feel happier. Fact! That saying anchors me. I filled my life with anchors. Find your anchors. Find your happiness.

Until next time
Goodbye

Want to read more Renza posts? Here's some links!
Healing your inner child
We are different and we are same

Pic credit: Pixabay pics Lorenza edited.

Don't forget to follow our blog for updates. Please share and plus one if you think your friends will enjoy reading my post. :-)